Before all of you Republicans throw a party in honor of having “turned” a liberal to your dark and sordid ways I want to make it clear that my political ideology is most definitely intact. BUT, as I am a liberal Independent and not a liberal Democrat I will feel no guilt about what I am about to write.

Democrats are Douche Bags. I’m not talking about the voting members of the Democratic Party but the officials that have aligned themselves with the party for purposes of being elected to public office.

While it pains me to admit it, there is no avoiding the fact that on at least one key point concerning the Democratic Party the REPUBLICANS ARE RIGHT. Wow, I broke out into a cold sweat just typing those words. This is not going to be fun for me to write but it’s the elephant in the room and I’m done ignoring it.

It’s amazing that as consistently wrong as the Republicans are on most things they have hit the nail on the head when it comes to the Democrats. The nail they have so successfully driven home is the fact that the Democratic Party seems utterly incapable of coming up with any kind of an Idea for the improvement of our country. Think about it. Besides shitting on the Repugs, what have the Democrats come up with since G-Dub was “elected”?

Sure they can get together on the fact that 9 out of 10 times Bush is wrong but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that. There have been a few ideas developed by key Democrats and as far as I know they are just theories on ways to patch up the holes Georgey has gouged in the fabric of our nation. Not only are the ideas seldom of the constructive kind but when a “brave” Democrat does stand up with an idea they inevitably look over their shoulder for support and see the rest of their party whistling innocently and kicking dust the way you do when you don’t want to be seen.

The only legitimate party those of us that truly oppose the Neo-Con agenda has to vote for seem to spend most of their time trying to look like the same dip shits they are supposedly fighting. Should we go to war against a nation that had no proven ties to the terrorist attacks of 9/11? The Dems said yes. Should we infringe on the rights of every citizen through the deplorable Patriot Act? All but one Dem (Wisconsin Senator Fiengold) has voted yes. Shit, one of the leading Democratic candidates for President has championed a law against flag burning (which, by the way, is traditionally the honorable way for disposing of our flag).

Here we are, on the verge of mid term elections, and the Democrats have yet to agree on a way of capitalizing on the eye opening failures of the Republican Party. These ass holes are so inept that they can’t get together on the best way to take the lollipop from the hands of a spoiled baby.

What are voting Democrats supposed to get behind? Between the absence of any real ideas, the Republican-lite policies, and the lack of a united front, the Democratic Party looks like a bunch of children who’s only consistent message is “We don’t know what we like but we don’t like this”.

For my part, I think the only real redemption for the party is an embracing of the liberal views that directly oppose the Neo-Con agenda. Until Democrats lose their fear of reprisal for pushing true reform then they are going to continue to look like naysayers that can’t decide on where to eat dinner let alone how to run a country.

These people are the only group in America that can make Republicans look like a semi-legitimate option. These guys should be ashamed of themselves. Furthermore, there is sufficient proof to support the fact that they are big gleaming douche bags.

I was so fed up about this that I placed my own call to the purveyors of all things jerk. They were extremely busy due to their newest line of jerks, spearheaded by the “Hillary Collection”, so they had to call me back. The Big Red Phone is ringing and answering it is just a formality. Hey chicken shit Democrats, the Jerk Store called. They ran out of you.

Moody

Yesterday I wrote about evolution’s version of a sick joke, Missouri House Representative David Sater. Today I’m going to talk about his bowl-burning diarrhea of an idea that should have been aborted before it ever saw the light of day. This gross missuse of gray matter is called House Concurrent Resolution No. 13. First I’m going to post the bill in its entirety and then I’ll break it down a section at a time and expound on the horrors of this piece of legislation as I go.

I’m truly disgusted with this whole ordeal. Literally, it makes me sick to my stomach to think about it. Why don’t you take a look at the newest candidate for Missouri Law while I go barf up my intestines?

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SECOND REGULAR SESSION
House Concurrent Resolution No. 13
93RD GENERAL ASSEMBLY
4572L.02I

Whereas, our forefathers of this great nation of the United States recognized a Christian God and used the principles afforded to us by Him as the founding principles of our nation; and

Whereas, as citizens of this great nation, we the majority also wish to exercise our constitutional right to acknowledge our Creator and give thanks for the many gifts provided by Him; and

Whereas, as elected officials we should protect the majority's right to express their religious beliefs while showing respect for those who object; and

Whereas, we wish to continue the wisdom imparted in the Constitution of the United States of America by the founding fathers; and

Whereas, we as elected officials recognize that a Greater Power exists above and beyond the institutions of mankind:

Now, therefore, be it resolved by the members of the House of Representatives of the Ninety-third General Assembly, Second Regular Session, the Senate concurring therein, that we stand with the majority of our constituents and exercise the common sense that voluntary prayer in public schools and religious displays on public property are not a coalition of church and state, but rather the justified recognition of the positive role that Christianity has played in this great nation of ours, the United States of America.

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This “resolution” has the feel of some weird project given to the kids in a Grace Community Chapel youth group. As I begin to respond to this I get the distinct feeling that this is what it must be like to grade homework at a Christian private school. I guess I’ll address this glob of bogus legislature piece by piece starting at the begining.

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“Whereas, our forefathers of this great nation of the United States recognized a Christian God and used the principles afforded to us by Him as the founding principles of our nation; and”

*As The Vessel was kind enough to point out to us, the Author of the Bill of Rights (Thomas Jefferson) was not a Christian at all. If our forefathers had wanted Christianity to be our national religion they would have made it that way themselves.

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“Whereas, as citizens of this great nation, we the majority also wish to exercise our constitutional right to acknowledge our Creator and give thanks for the many gifts provided by Him; and”

*Nobody is stopping you from “acknowledging” your creator. What you can’t do is have your religious mumbo jumbo sanctioned by the Government.

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“Whereas, as elected officials we should protect the majority's right to express their religious beliefs while showing respect for those who object; and”

*The majority’s rights are already protected. The only thing you can’t do is bring your cultish practices of chanting and idol worshiping on to Government property. The way our form of democracy works is that the majority are able to protect themselves through their votes. It is the job of the Government to protect the minority from abuses of the Constitution like the one being proposed here.

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“Whereas, we wish to continue the wisdom imparted in the Constitution of the United States of America by the founding fathers; and”

*Give me a fucking break. This part, whether the author knows it or not, is an out right LIE. This bag of shit bill does exactly the opposite of what this section of the resolution describes. There is absolutely nothing in the Constitution that can lead you to believe that our forefathers wanted us to wait 230 years and then start passing Christian laws.

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“Whereas, we as elected officials recognize that a Greater Power exists above and beyond the institutions of mankind:”

*First, this seems to be incredibly presumptuous. Even if, in a worst case scenario, this law gets past, it is ridiculous to assume that ALL elected officials “recognize” a Greater Power”. Shit, even if they do what the hell does that matter? If all elected officials think red ties are the best does that give them the right to pass a law recognizing red ties as superior to all others?

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“Now, therefore, be it resolved by the members of the House of Representatives of the Ninety-third General Assembly, Second Regular Session, the Senate concurring therein, that we stand with the majority of our constituents and exercise the common sense that voluntary prayer in public schools and religious displays on public property are not a coalition of church and state, but rather the justified recognition of the positive role that Christianity has played in this great nation of ours, the United States of America.”

*Here it is, the meat of this waste of taxpayer’s money. Now I’m not up on my knowledge of legislative lingo, but I think the whole “Senate concurring therein” part means that this bill won’t go from the House to the Senate but is going through them both at the same time. This is part of the plan to sneak this bill through before the public knows what has hit it.

This next part is the section that makes me want to buy a gun and climb to the top of a tall tower.

“we stand with the majority of our constituents and exercise the common sense that voluntary prayer in public schools and religious displays on public property are not a coalition of church and state,”

FUCK!!! Sorry about that guys. I just needed to vent. I mentioned this yesterday, but I’ll say it again. The wording of this bill is so broad that there are virtually no limits to what overzealous churchies might do when given this kind of leeway. With the wording being what it is there is nothing to stop teachers from calling an assembly for anyone that wants to pray leaving the children that choose not to wondering why the school caters to those that “believe”. There’s nothing to stop schools or courts from adorning their walls with all sorts of Christian paraphernalia. A public school with crucifixes and statues of Mary all over the place, that’s what could happen if this law is passed.

That’s not even going into the fact that “common sense” has nothing to do with this bill. Common sense says that the words “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion” drop shit all over this bill with an elegance that I can’t even begin to approach.

Fuck me running. Justified recognition? Really? The reason Christianity gets this special treatment is because it deserves it? People of all races, religions, and creeds have built this nation. To say that Christianity is “deserving” because more of them have been Christian than not, is ridiculous. China is shortly going to take over our spot as the world’s greatest super power. Does that mean that Buddhism, Taoism, or Confucianism is more deserving of recognition than Jesus’ gang? Great people do great things and to assume that with out Christianity they would be incapable of nation building is arrogant enough to get you sent to Hell for “pride”.

I could go on about this waste of trees for pages but I’m probably boring you already. I just received a phone call and I’m not sure if it is grammatically correct to call a piece of paper a jerk but who am I to argue with a retailer that will soon surpass Wal-Mart for sheer volume of product moved. Hey House Concurrent Resolution No. 13, the Jerk Store called. They ran out of you.

Moody

Why oh why couldn’t I have been born in the North East. If I had, I wouldn’t have to worry about backs woods zealots like David Sater, a member of the Missouri House of Representatives (68th district).

This world class God humper is trying to sneak in a bill that would make Christianity the official religion of Missouri. It sounds ridiculous but it is with great sadness that I tell you that this is in fact happening in the not so Great State of Missouri.

Douche bag Sater, who is from some inbred hickburg in Southwestern Missouri called Cassville, has sponsored a piece of legislation entitled “House Concurrent Bill no. 13”. This is what the Missouri House web site says it does:

“Resolves that voluntary prayer in public schools, religious displays on public property, and the recognition of a Christian God are not a coalition of church and state.”

I love that it uses the word “resolves”. Like all of this shit wasn’t resolved with the writing of the first amendment to the Constitution.

One might assume that if Shit Face Sater is so proud of his religion that he feels the need to make it law he might take the time and let the people of Missouri know what he’s trying to do… but no. This slimey little bill is creeping its way through the state legislature with little to no fan fair. The only reason I know of it is because our local CBS affiliate ran a 20 second piece on it last night. I’m lucky I just happened to be watching that particular station’s broadcast last night because trying to find any information on this thing is like looking for Hoffa’s body. Shit, the station that ran the story has it tucked away on their web site like it’s some kind of dirty family secret.

One might also assume that now that the light of day has been shed on this hillbilly attempt at Theocracy our State officials might be willing to comment on it. HaHaHaHa Yeah right, like any politician wants the people they represent to know what they’re doing. Both Rep. Sater and Gov. Blunt have refused to comment on this bill. How is this guy going to try and pass a law and then refuse to speak to the media about it? Fuck knuckle Sater wants to turn the State of Missouri into a Christian institution and won’t talk to the people charged with keeping us informed.

Clown shoes Sater should have known better than to have drawn up this ass slop. The State House never should have sent it to committee and the committee should have lit this thing on fire and forgotten about it forever. Instead the damn thing made it out of committee and is on its way to the vaunted honor of being an unconstitutional law. Rep. David Sater is willingly and knowingly trying to violate the Constitution of the United States of America.

In my next post I will go through the bill piece by piece while trying not to throw things at my computer monitor in rage. Hold on a second. I’ve got to answer the big red phone. Yep, it’s what I thought. Hey Rep. David “the Theocrat” Slater, the jerk store called. They ran out of you.

Moody

Son of a Bitch! Will this shit never end? I’m sure you’ve all seen the tape by now. You know, the one in which Bush is told exactly how bad shit was going to be when Katrina hit.

Before we get any further, those of you that have yet to see this video need to go and watch it. It’s a little less than three minutes long. Whether you finish reading this piece or not EVERYONE should see this video. Just “copy & paste” the URL below into your address window, and the media player should be on the page it brings up after you scroll down a bit.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/03/01/AR2006030101731_2.html?referrer=email&referrer=email

I’m going to assume that you watched it and say, HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT? I know by now that nothing will be done about this but if anyone that sees that isn’t outraged then they’ve got their heads shoved so far up their Asses they can see the backs of their teeth.

I’m not going to go into the long list of catastrophic mistakes made in the handling of this disaster because we have all seen the list many times by now. I’m also not going to write about the fact that he said “ …we are fully prepared…” because nothing I write will prove how retarded that statement is more than anything we’ve already seen. What I am going to do is go through the many ways our chicken shit President is dodging the blame that is rightfully his in concern to his mishandling of Katrina.

The argument has been made that this video proves that our man-child President was involved from the time before Katrina hit. So fucking what? Is anybody here allowed to claim, “I was there the whole time” as an excuse for a major mess up at your jobs? (If you say yes then email me because I could sure use a job like that.) Doesn’t that make it worse? He knew it was going to be ape shit crazy the whole time and STILL managed to react so slowly that everybody assumed he must have been out of the loop.

Bush’s Propaganda gurus have also said that “the boy who would be King” was fully engaged but left operational decisions up to the agencies in charge. That is no excuse whatsoever. This is the man that has spent half his time in office telling us about what a strong leader is. In my eyes a strong leader delegates what he can afford to and takes control of the shit that he knows is going to be bonkers. This tape proves that he knew that this was going to be bad and didn’t stand up and say, “Whoa guys, sit down. This one calls for some Presidential style leadership”. What are we paying him for if not to lead?

In case after case this cuckolded boob has escaped any responsibility for his actions/inaction by wrapping him self in a blanket of “delegation”. When are you Repugs going to wake up and realize that the person at the top is ultimately responsible for the fuck ups of his subordinates?

That was just a portion of the simpering fool’s political damage control. What else was on that tape that proved that our President isn’t fit to run a Dairy Queen let alone a country? His next step in shedding the blame for this disaster is a more proactive approach and one he’s used to great effect in the past.

He was once again caught on tape lying to save his own ass. NO, I’m not being melodramatic. He said nobody could have predicted the levy failure and this tape proves that the nation’s leading hurricane experts told him point blank that that exact scenario was a “very very grave concern”. Explain to me how that's not a lie. You won’t because you can’t. You Repugs are reading this right now thinking to yourself “he’s just exaggerating” because way down deep you don’t want to believe that he lied to us but at this point you have no choice but to face the facts. He did lie and that wasn’t the first time.

History will show that we are in a situation in this country that is almost identical to the old story “the Emperor’s new clothes”. The world is going to look back on this time in our country and see that supporters of this administration are so convinced of the President’s infallibility that they are walking the streets naked with their dicks in their hands. It’s obvious to every one but them that we are watching a man bumble his way through life like it’s some kind of horrible reality TV show. It might even be entertaining if the backdrop for this “hit” series weren’t the Oval Office.

I have just about run out of patience with you people. I probably would have completely given up on you by now if it weren’t for the important role you guys play in the daily operation of my favorite store at the local mall. And speak of the devil, that’s them on the phone right now. I’m glad at least somebody has found a use for you guys. Hey all of you Bush Fans blinded by your pride, the jerk store called. They ran out of you.

P.S. I meant all Bush supporters except for those of you that read my blog. You’re different. I don’t know how, but you are.

Moody

The White House can’t seem to pick one topic on which they would prefer to look the most ridiculous. It appears that they are trying to keep us from looking at any one of their failures too closely by overwhelming us with the sheer volume of their short bus worthy actions.

Their most current dumb assed, half-corrupt move pertains to a topic that isn’t likely to shock many of us, oil. I’m going into one of those “Looney Toons” style conniption fits where Yosemite Sam is so mad he can’t get the words out just thinking about how to tell you of this fountain of Good Ol’ Boy horse sh*t.

(Deep breathes)…. The Bush administration is cutting back on the auditing of royalties paid by oil companies for oil drilled on federal land. Yeah, a little confusing, I know. I’ll explain what this means before crapping all over it.

Oil companies pay a certain percentage of the sales money made on oil drilled on federal land to the federal government. Basically, “you pay us for the oil you get off of our land”. Surprisingly enough, the oil companies can’t be trusted to pay up with out some oversight, so the Government employs auditors to provide just such a watchful eye. G-Dub and his yahoo friends plan on cutting back on the auditors that keep the oil Baron’s from robbing us of even more money.

I’m beginning to wonder if following the antics of our President isn’t going to drive me to an early grave. Are we supposed to have forgotten that the Bush family made a large portion of their fortune in the oil fields? How many of daddies friends are going to have an easier time bilking the Government out of millions with George's latest “brilliant” idea.

A few more details are in order. The President’s plan entails spending more money on something called “compliance review”. This sh*it is great. “Compliance review” means they take a closer look at the forms submitted by oil companies with out ever checking to see if the information on the forms is true… Do I even need to say anything else about that? Apparently King George doesn’t believe in oversight for anybody.

"Under the compliance review system, if you fill out your fraudulent form correctly, you can get away with the fraud," Said Yuseff Robb, a spokesman for the California state controller. "We know we can't trust companies to do what's right without regular auditing."

All of this garbage is being done under the guise of "fiscal savings". It takes about two seconds to see that this pile of crap idea is going to cost the Government waaay more money than we save. California claims that their auditors usually recover THREE TIMES as much money from underpayments than the process of auditing actually costs. (3x is a bunch) By some freak of nature we some how ended up with a piece of our government that brings in more money than it spends and the Prez wants to cut it’s funding. Yeah, I know, what did I expect? (I know that the IRS brings in more money then they spend but come one, F*ck them)

The Mineral Management Service (a section of the Department of the Interior) has said that they can now do more audits with fewer people. I’m not sure how many of you are familiar with the term “job loading” but that’s what this is and it is definately bad news. Very very basically, it means that you heap more responsibilities on a given job description (i.e. do more work at the same position and same pay). Does this EVER increase efficiency? Sh*t no! How could it?

Here’s a perfect example of why this current chunk of Bushie Government won’t work. State auditors in North Dakota found that the Department of the Interior was not collecting royalties from a bankrupt company that was continuing to drill and sell oil until after the state auditors informed the Federal Government of it. Every aspect of this situation illustrates why the new program the President proposes is an awful idea. A.) G-Dub’s proposal will make it easier for oil companies to lie to the Government (via fraudulent paper work) in cases like these. B.) There will be fewer federal auditors to catch this kind of fraud (which in this case they obviously couldn’t do anyway). And C.) Funding will be cut to state auditors, who were the people that actually DID wind up busting the oil company.

I don’t know whether this is another case of Presidential stupidity that borders on the retarded or once again, a case of George making life easier on his ultra-rich buddies, but either way, it seems obvious to me that these cuts should be a definite "stop, do not pass go" kind of a situation.

For the first time in a little while I will answer my “Jerk Phone”. (What? Did you think they stopped calling just because I haven’t told you about it?) They’re a little miffed at me for dodging their calls. It seems that their shelves are almost empty due to our Federal Government’s constant need for new jerks to run things in Washington. Well, I’m glad to oblige their jerkronomic needs. Hey oil Baron Bush, The jerk store called. They ran out of you.

Moody